A Proxy

I am just going to be honest right off the bat. If there were some situations and experiences that my children go through that I could be a proxy for, I would be the first volunteer.

Let me paint the picture. My son is an athlete. He plays on a level that I am somewhat unsure that I have ever played on. Now, I would like to think that when I played travel softball (slow pitch), volleyball, track and a little basketball, I played ultra competitively. And, I would like to think that I was fairly privy to real competition. But, I am fairly certain that although the sports were competitive in their time, I am confident things have changed.

Maybe it is the media. Maybe it is the hype and the highlights. But, the level of playing a sport has been elevated.

So, that brings me to today. Today Noah played game 3 of a basketball tournament.

Noah is a football player first. I am putting that out there as a defense. A shield, if you will. Because I am a protector. I am the mother who wants to yell, "Time out. Re-do. He really didn't mean to do that." Here is the rundown of the basketball games.

Game 1: 14 points. So-so play. Decent, a little upbeat but, room for improvement.

Game 2: 24 points. Awesome. Out da box (so to speak) Cloud 9

Game 3: 0 points. Decent defense. Nothing going your way. Fouled out with 23 second left.

To quote Noah, ' I laid a goosebump'. (insert giggle) No son, it was a goose egg.

And, he did. He definitely did lay a goose egg. As do many, many, many athletes.

Right. You can say this all day long. But, that doesn't change the car ride home. Or, the thoughts that go through your mind. 'I let my coach down, I let myself down, I let my dad down.'

I know the thoughts because I was the only one there. And, as we sat in the drive-thru at McDonald's I SO wanted to take his place. I wanted him to hear that these things happen. You can't win them all etc. etc. I was saying it. But, he couldn't hear it.

Yes, I can say it all day long. I can tell him that this is only a drop in the bucket. I can remind him of what he DID do. I can spin tales of my experiences. But, this is him. This is his experience. And, as much as I want to take his place in a moment of dissapointment, this is his moment to walk out.

But, it kills me. I will be honest. I want to cover him. Protect him. Tell him that it is not a big, bad competitive world. But, it is.

So, my desire to be a proxy, a substitute or someone authorized to stand in the place of him; will never happen. I am just called to be the one standing on the side. I will buy the Big Mac meal, large Coke and ice cream. I will reassure, reassure, and reassure again. I will check, and double check to see if he is okay. And, I am glad to know there is someone else who will stand in the gap.

A Trip to Nebraska

I lived in Nebraska for the fist 21 years of my life. In fact, for the first 6 years I lived in a trailer down by the river. Yes, it sounds funny and very red-neck. And, truth be told, some things about Nebraska are funny and very red-neck. But, even though I have lived in California for over 13 years, I am still very Nebraska-y.

My fondness for Nebraska has grown more since I don't live there. I love California but, I am very proud to be "from Nebraska". Maybe it is because I think it is cool to be from an "uncool" place. Now, don't be offended fellow Nebraska-ians. We know it is a cool state but, the majority of America wonder what is in Nebraksa and where is Nebraska. No joke, I have had several people ask me where it is and although I am slightly shocked, I remind them that it is smack dab in the middle of the country. Hence the name Heartland.

Hailing from Nebraska also holds a little humor for a person named Sunshine. At least weekly I get a "oh, what a great California name" or a "your parents must have been hippies" comment. It is fun to see the confusion when I let them in on the whole midwest thing and sometimes, just for fun, I tell them my maiden name. Sunshine Black raises a few eyebrows.

Once a year I make a trip back to Nebraska. Traditionally, it is around the 4th of July. First off, it is my mom's birthday and secondly the liberty of shooting off massive amounts of artillery sweeten the deal. Needless to say, the lure of fireworks heightens the excitement for my kids. And, I need all the help I can get.

Let me explain. People often ask, "What is Nebraska like?" or "What do you do there?" My answer is, "Nebraska is kind of boring", which usually followed by another eyebrow raise. Then I add, "And, that is the beauty of it."

I am always telling my husband that my kids can't handle "boredom". They like to have plans. They like to always move and go and do. And, as much a I am into going and doing, I have no problem doing nothing. So, Nebraska is an exercise in slowing down. To quote my dad, "we are never in any hurry." He says this as he drives 5 miles under the speed limit on wide open interstate lined with knee high corn.

Our last trip to Nebraska was particularly uneventful. My parents live in a beautiful home on the Missouri river. But, there was a lot of rain which made for a lot of debris in the river. Large trees, to be precise. Slightly dangerous for going out on the boat. So, aside from one short, cold ride we had to entertain ourselves with other Nebraska traditions.

A trip to my grandma's house to see her new furniture:

A stop at Taco John's for super nachos and potato ole's:

Painting ponies with cousin Ava after a trip to Wal-Mart:

Sitting on the deck with the family:

Swimming at a local swimming pool on a cloudy day:

Playing with cousin Mason on the floor:

Fireworks!

Ava's 3rd birthday party:

I got the most special piece of cake. My sister (Ava's mom) and I shared a room when we were little. The theme of the room was Strawberry Shortcake. But, my sister wrote her name on EVERYTHING. Literally. She wrote on the wall, she wrote on the dresser, and she wrote in all of our books. This was her peace offering:

And, we played alot of cards:


The irony of the trip is that amidst the very basic things in life there is a lot of life to be lived. Eating together, shopping, playing games and celebrating are the things you remember forever.

One last photo. My goodbye:

A Giggle

"So, I only have 2 more days with you?"

This is a statement my husband just made when he realized I am leaving for Nebraska in two days.

It made me giggle.

First off, I do think it is very sweet that after 16 years he is highly concerned about the amount of time he has to be with me. Astonishingly, we are great friends who really just like to be together. (don't be fooled though, we do have our moments) But, I am only going to be gone for 5 days. And, he will see me on the 1st and the 5th day. Which really only leaves 3 full days of togetherless-ness. Or, is it togetherness-less?

Either way, it still made me laugh.

An absence

Serious lapse in blogging. Many reasons/excuses.

#1) Total mental block before the following melee. (I have no idea why...maybe just the forsight of the melee)

#2) Quick trip to Arizona. Jeremy's cousin got married. So, aside from the 10-11 hour travel time, we spent a solid 25 hours there.

#3) Vacation: 4 days in Palm Springs with Jeremy. I will quote myself, "If I relax any more, I may melt". (No offense to all you overworked and burned out people. I feel your pain. For the record, every once and a while I feel like I earned my dues) And, I just negated my melee excuse. Whoops. No craziness here, just plain 'ol brain drain.

#4) Second half of "said" vacation: After the 4 days, we spent 3 days in Las Vegas for a 7th grade boys' basketball tournament. To qoute Jeremy, "It's like herding cats." Beyond the exciting games, corraling 13 year old boys is a chore. So, not so much a vacation and now I relive the melee.

Needless to say, although there are many reasons for my absence, I am excited to chronicle a few funny things that have happened.

Right now, I am off to change laundry: Pack forArizona, unpack. Pack for summer camp. Pack for Palm Springs. Double pack for Vegas. (kids and adults) UNPACK it all=non-stop laundry.

A New Experience

I am watching Jonas with Grace. Jonas, as in the Jonas brothers television show on Nickelodeon. A few observations on this:

• I have always been a sucker for kids' t.v. I have been watching kids' shows for quite some time.
• But, this is NOT kids' t.v.
• I am now watching tween t.v.
• Tween t.v. is very creative and a bit provocative.
• Since it is on the tween/adult innuendo side, I have my work cut out for me.
• I am watching 3 brothers try to date one girl.
• My 11 year old is watching it with me which is why I have such a challenge. (actually, I am watching it with HER)
• We are WAY beyond Teletubbies.

Well, although I can only put my thoughts in bullet points, my daughter is thoroughly loving me watching television with her. So, I guess I will tackle this challenge of boys, girls, flirting and life as it comes.

With a lot of prayer, I am confident I can handle this new phase of life. Thankfully, she still likes some animated movies.

A Funny

After my mini-van was totalled, I began the task of searching for a new car. That was a slightly agonizing experience. First, buying a used vehicle was a HUGE priority. Cars are a worthless investment and we were determined to save. (FYI, I saved ALOT this time around) Then, you have to factor in needs, wants, style, function, color, specs, yadda yadda. Needless to say, I was anxious at times but, tempered by my confident husband. He was so sure we would find "just the right car". Well, he was right. After exploring all our options we finally settled on a car. (see previous post for the final decision)

During the car hunt my father-in law was very helpful with his vehicle suggestions. Here are two he came up with:

This is probably pretty good on the miles per gallon and has many color options. The obvious drawback would be seating capacity.

But, this is my personal favorite. He actually took the time to modify the car himself with the optional bumper.

Thanks for all your help and concern. And, although the accident was not my fault at all, I have really slowed down these days.

A Run

I ran along the beach today. 5 and a half miles. A little too far for this treadmill gal but, some law somewhere says that the distance you travel AWAY from your car is the distance you travel BACK to your car. I am not sure what I was thinking. Maybe the dilemma was in the lack of thinking.

A little background without going into too many details. The drama and decisions surrounding church life has been extraordinary lately. Way too many things to consider and alot on the line. Needless to say, I have been in countless meetings and discussions for lots 'o days. And, today started with meeting #1 at 7:30am.

So, by the time I set out to take my son to his sports training at 10:30, I was beat. Emotionally tanked. Mentally spent. I missed my usual spin class this morning so I was physically frustrated. As I headed out the door, I grabbed a bible study, a mindlesss fiction book and dressed for a run, just in case.

As I drove to my destination, the mindless read and possible nap in the car was winning the mental debate in my head. But, the moment I parked my car, getting outside suddenly sounded like a good idea. A quick walk now sounded like a good idea.

Well, the walk quickly became a run and I ran and ran and ran and ran and ran. And, as silly as it sounds, it was MY run.

When someone passed me, I kept MY pace. When I got tired, I kept MY pace. When I was weary and far away from my car, I kept MY pace.

As I ran, the methodical rhythmn of my shoes soothed my confused my mind. The meetings and decisions were on hold. And, the goal became the movement.

The rest of the day followed the moving along theme. A meeting or two more and a decision that altered my life. Altered for the good. Maybe I should run with abandon more often.