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I am just going to be honest right off the bat. If there were some situations and experiences that my children go through that I could be a proxy for, I would be the first volunteer.
Let me paint the picture. My son is an athlete. He plays on a level that I am somewhat unsure that I have ever played on. Now, I would like to think that when I played travel softball (slow pitch), volleyball, track and a little basketball, I played ultra competitively. And, I would like to think that I was fairly privy to real competition. But, I am fairly certain that although the sports were competitive in their time, I am confident things have changed.
Maybe it is the media. Maybe it is the hype and the highlights. But, the level of playing a sport has been elevated.
So, that brings me to today. Today Noah played game 3 of a basketball tournament.
Noah is a football player first. I am putting that out there as a defense. A shield, if you will. Because I am a protector. I am the mother who wants to yell, "Time out. Re-do. He really didn't mean to do that." Here is the rundown of the basketball games.
Game 1: 14 points. So-so play. Decent, a little upbeat but, room for improvement.
Game 2: 24 points. Awesome. Out da box (so to speak) Cloud 9
Game 3: 0 points. Decent defense. Nothing going your way. Fouled out with 23 second left.
To quote Noah, ' I laid a goosebump'. (insert giggle) No son, it was a goose egg.
And, he did. He definitely did lay a goose egg. As do many, many, many athletes.
Right. You can say this all day long. But, that doesn't change the car ride home. Or, the thoughts that go through your mind. 'I let my coach down, I let myself down, I let my dad down.'
I know the thoughts because I was the only one there. And, as we sat in the drive-thru at McDonald's I SO wanted to take his place. I wanted him to hear that these things happen. You can't win them all etc. etc. I was saying it. But, he couldn't hear it.
Yes, I can say it all day long. I can tell him that this is only a drop in the bucket. I can remind him of what he DID do. I can spin tales of my experiences. But, this is him. This is his experience. And, as much as I want to take his place in a moment of dissapointment, this is his moment to walk out.
But, it kills me. I will be honest. I want to cover him. Protect him. Tell him that it is not a big, bad competitive world. But, it is.
So, my desire to be a proxy, a substitute or someone authorized to stand in the place of him; will never happen. I am just called to be the one standing on the side. I will buy the Big Mac meal, large Coke and ice cream. I will reassure, reassure, and reassure again. I will check, and double check to see if he is okay. And, I am glad to know there is someone else who will stand in the gap.
