The Day I Lost My Job

A little history to shed some light on this post:

My husband, Jeremy and I became christians in 1997.  Very soon after, he volunteered us for youth ministry and I blindly followed.  For the next 5 years, we spent most of our time with the youth of our church, laughing, learning, living and sometimes pulling our hair out.  During that time, I thought we were what you would have called "lifers". (a lifetime in youth ministry)  But, low and behold there were other plans in the mix {a post I promise I will get to soon} and Jeremy, myself and a very cherished group of friends felt called to plant a church.

In the beginning, I was urged by my then senior pastor's wife to lead the kid's ministry.  Her words still echo in my head "only you will love this thing as much as your husband."  So, I obliged and tortured myself for maybe 6 months in the kid's ministry until I was rescued by a dear friend.  Over the course of the next few years, my role on church staff was very informal but, I was pretty much in every staff meeting with an often weighty opinion.  

There were a few years in the history of our church which I call the '400-600 phase' that I ducked out and did nothing.  This abysmal phase was when the church attendance grew to a number that this overly personable, I need to know everyone, Nebraska girl had a veritable meltdown.  It was a self-induced guilt over expectations that weren't even there.  So, during this time, I immersed myself in the gym and became a personal trainer.  After hiding for a couple years, I emerged when the church was  growing from 600-800 and realized people didn't really care who I was.  They didn't have an actual expectation to know the pastor's wife.  (these are obviously not factual of everyone's feelings, just my own personal observations and the way I soothe my conscience)

So, I hopped back on the team and filled a position that we couldn't quite figure out the fit for.  Jeremy would it explain it as this:
Sunshine is the liaison to my staff.  She takes things I say and softens it by saying 'what he really meant to say was this'
Essentially, I was the middleman, when needed, to his team.  (AND, you can see where this is going)  I am the pastor's wife!

About six months ago, I hit a brick wall...again.  I would complain (read nag) to Jeremy and threaten to quit.  Things were not good.  We would go back and forth constantly about church decisions and with us both being strong people, sometimes it was just a plain battle of wills.

Three weeks ago a church consultant group was scheduled to come meet with our team and help us figure out a 3 year/5 year plan.  We are somewhat of a "mom and pop"shop so, a PLAN seemed unfathomable.  Honestly, I drug my feet to that meeting.  I was not ready to sit in a room, graph my leadership style on a piece of paper and listen to everything I pretty much thought I knew. (ego, ego, ego...I know)

Day 1:  We were asked to go around the room and introduce ourselves, say what we loved about theMovement and what we hoped would change.  When my turn came, I followed direction one and two and then blurted, 'and, I hope to not have to work here some time in the future'.  The guy leading the meeting said 'Great!  Sunshine phased out by January 1' and went and wrote it on the board.  Immediately, this little thing (that didn't have a name yet) flip-flopped in my belly.  And, as I glanced around the room, I caught a few confused faces that followed with obligatory smiles.  I was thinking....oh, crap.

Later that night, Jeremy asked what I thought.  I did a little sidestep saying 'well, tomorrow will be interesting.  And, I can't imagine at least not going to staff meetings.'

Day 2:  By hour number two, I had been phased out completely.  I honestly can't remember how it happened that quickly.  I sat there, seriously stunned.  It felt like a punch to the gut.  The wind literally sucked out of my sails.  That little unnamed thing in my belly called Pride suddenly reared it's ugly head and sent a laundry list of thoughts through my head.  The resounding theme was:  BUT, I AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO!!  .....right??   If I would have had to speak at that moment, I would have cried.  I had gotten what I asked for but now, was it what I wanted?

The drive home was interesting.  Jeremy kept glancing at me saying 'so, what do you think?'  I could only say, 'I know its right but, it just feels weird.'  And then, a phrase I had heard over the past couple of days sprang to my mind:  I know you CAN do it but, SHOULD you?  What is for the greater good?

I am going to be ultimately cheesy here and say...I suddenly felt so FREE!  In that quick instant while we were driving home, I had a duh moment.

Since that day, I have not given even one thought to the 'workings' of the church.  I had no idea we added another church service until I picked up and announcement sheet this last Sunday.  I am now my husbands wife and not his co-worker.  My new joke is that getting fired from my church was the best thing ever!