The Day I Lost My Job

A little history to shed some light on this post:

My husband, Jeremy and I became christians in 1997.  Very soon after, he volunteered us for youth ministry and I blindly followed.  For the next 5 years, we spent most of our time with the youth of our church, laughing, learning, living and sometimes pulling our hair out.  During that time, I thought we were what you would have called "lifers". (a lifetime in youth ministry)  But, low and behold there were other plans in the mix {a post I promise I will get to soon} and Jeremy, myself and a very cherished group of friends felt called to plant a church.

In the beginning, I was urged by my then senior pastor's wife to lead the kid's ministry.  Her words still echo in my head "only you will love this thing as much as your husband."  So, I obliged and tortured myself for maybe 6 months in the kid's ministry until I was rescued by a dear friend.  Over the course of the next few years, my role on church staff was very informal but, I was pretty much in every staff meeting with an often weighty opinion.  

There were a few years in the history of our church which I call the '400-600 phase' that I ducked out and did nothing.  This abysmal phase was when the church attendance grew to a number that this overly personable, I need to know everyone, Nebraska girl had a veritable meltdown.  It was a self-induced guilt over expectations that weren't even there.  So, during this time, I immersed myself in the gym and became a personal trainer.  After hiding for a couple years, I emerged when the church was  growing from 600-800 and realized people didn't really care who I was.  They didn't have an actual expectation to know the pastor's wife.  (these are obviously not factual of everyone's feelings, just my own personal observations and the way I soothe my conscience)

So, I hopped back on the team and filled a position that we couldn't quite figure out the fit for.  Jeremy would it explain it as this:
Sunshine is the liaison to my staff.  She takes things I say and softens it by saying 'what he really meant to say was this'
Essentially, I was the middleman, when needed, to his team.  (AND, you can see where this is going)  I am the pastor's wife!

About six months ago, I hit a brick wall...again.  I would complain (read nag) to Jeremy and threaten to quit.  Things were not good.  We would go back and forth constantly about church decisions and with us both being strong people, sometimes it was just a plain battle of wills.

Three weeks ago a church consultant group was scheduled to come meet with our team and help us figure out a 3 year/5 year plan.  We are somewhat of a "mom and pop"shop so, a PLAN seemed unfathomable.  Honestly, I drug my feet to that meeting.  I was not ready to sit in a room, graph my leadership style on a piece of paper and listen to everything I pretty much thought I knew. (ego, ego, ego...I know)

Day 1:  We were asked to go around the room and introduce ourselves, say what we loved about theMovement and what we hoped would change.  When my turn came, I followed direction one and two and then blurted, 'and, I hope to not have to work here some time in the future'.  The guy leading the meeting said 'Great!  Sunshine phased out by January 1' and went and wrote it on the board.  Immediately, this little thing (that didn't have a name yet) flip-flopped in my belly.  And, as I glanced around the room, I caught a few confused faces that followed with obligatory smiles.  I was thinking....oh, crap.

Later that night, Jeremy asked what I thought.  I did a little sidestep saying 'well, tomorrow will be interesting.  And, I can't imagine at least not going to staff meetings.'

Day 2:  By hour number two, I had been phased out completely.  I honestly can't remember how it happened that quickly.  I sat there, seriously stunned.  It felt like a punch to the gut.  The wind literally sucked out of my sails.  That little unnamed thing in my belly called Pride suddenly reared it's ugly head and sent a laundry list of thoughts through my head.  The resounding theme was:  BUT, I AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO!!  .....right??   If I would have had to speak at that moment, I would have cried.  I had gotten what I asked for but now, was it what I wanted?

The drive home was interesting.  Jeremy kept glancing at me saying 'so, what do you think?'  I could only say, 'I know its right but, it just feels weird.'  And then, a phrase I had heard over the past couple of days sprang to my mind:  I know you CAN do it but, SHOULD you?  What is for the greater good?

I am going to be ultimately cheesy here and say...I suddenly felt so FREE!  In that quick instant while we were driving home, I had a duh moment.

Since that day, I have not given even one thought to the 'workings' of the church.  I had no idea we added another church service until I picked up and announcement sheet this last Sunday.  I am now my husbands wife and not his co-worker.  My new joke is that getting fired from my church was the best thing ever!

I Don't Enjoy Cooking

As I attempt to jump back into blogging, I figured I could start with a post that you will most likely see only once from me:  a recipe!  I am pretty convinced I don't belong in the kitchen with laborious recipes.  I get overwhelmed when there are more than 4 ingredients and multiple steps.  You wonder how my family survives?  I LOVE grilling and I can make a great salad and simple side dishes.  I even asked for a grill for mother's day one year.  I own the grill in this family.  In fact, I tried to let Jeremy grill the other day and honestly experienced a little anxiety.  But, my control issues are another blog post entirely so, back to the kitchen!

So, a dear friend gave me some vegetables from her garden which included an enormous zucchini.  The first thing I said to her was "What do I do with this thing?" She said, "You cook it".  Ha ha...yes.  But, how?  Two other kind friends were already googling recipes and giving me tips about baked zucchini and asked me to take pictures of the finished product.  As I got in the car with my daughter, I said to her "Well shoot, now I'm going to have to do something with this thing".  Culinary pressure at it's finest.  So, I googled a few recipes and most were all vegetarian and required cheese and bread.  Well, I have to have protein with my meal and I like cheese and bread with wine.  So, I {drumroll please} combined different recipes I read and made up my own!  Yeah, I still get excited thinking about it.

Everything went pretty smoothly except that I broke a plate, grabbed the hot baking dish with my bare hand and stepped on my chihuahua twice.  She's a scrounge and I drop a lot of stuff.  We work well together but, sometimes she misjudges my swift movements.  As exciting as it was to try the finished product and have my skeptical husband say, "I actually like this", I think that experience will hold me over for a month or two.  I'd rather throw meat on the grill and sit down and watch some football.

Sunshine's Zucchini:

Zucchini
Organic ground beef
Italian season
Garlic powder
Red onion
Spaghetti sauce
Basil
Salt
Pepper

Preheat oven to 350
Slice zucchini lengthwise and scrape out insides and set aside
Bake zucchini for 20 minutes face down
Meanwhile brown ground beef and add italian season, garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste
Mash insides of zucchini in a mixing bowl (yeah, I thought this was weird because of the seeds but, one recipe called for it and I justified it with retaining all the nutrients of the vegetable)
Sauté onion and add to mixture (I also salt and peppered a bit here and added a dash of italian seasoning)
Finley chop basil and add to mixture
Add one cup spaghetti sauce to mixture

Since I had more meat than I did space in the boats, I made side batches of mixture and ground beef for each individual boat.  I will use the leftovers for pasta and some meat sauce for my son tonight.

Fill the boats and return to oven for 20 minutes.  You could top with mozzarella before returning to oven which would probably be delicious.  But, I am selective in my cheese consumption.  Cheese=calories in my brain and if I'm going to enjoy it, I want to splurge when the time is right.  i.e. pizza or straight up on a cracker.

Enjoy!  (I hope)