A thought

Psalm 56:3 "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."

Swine flu.

I am actually not afraid of H1N1 (the medical address given to an ugly sounding illness). I really am not afraid...most of the time.

When the outbreak of swine flu hit, I will admit, I followed the news very closely. I would test the waters of "alertness" with my husband who would give a 'tsk tsk' and remind me of the facts. And, the biggest fact is: about 40,000 people die of complications from the flu each year.

So, when I was in doubt or feeling a little overwhelmed I would rely on logic. But, sometimes logic doesn't work. And, I am firmly convinced that logic and reason are the most clouded when it is dark. Yes, dark, like at nighttime. The same time of day when you were a kid that all your fears of the boogie man and Freddie Krueger seemed actually logical and reasonable.

Friday was a pretty busy day both schedule-wise and mind share-wise. Jeremy and I had a pretty major meeting in Temecula at 4pm and Noah had a 9pm basketball game. In between the two appointments, Noah and I needed to find an outfit for a wedding that we were leaving for at 9am Saturday morning. Technically, poor planning on my part made for a pretty crammed Friday night.

As Jeremy and I raced down the 15 freeway after our Temecula meeting at 6pm Friday night, a smidge of anxiety set in. Initally, it was easy to brush off. Since a.) I was hungry and b.)Noah was also hungry and equally anxious to shop and get to the gym to warm up. So, as my phone lit up with texts and calls from Noah approximating my arrival, I had to conciously remind myself to chill.

Abating the hunger was the first task at hand for Noah and I. He is very serious about eating light before a game so, Chik-Fil-A was a good option. Chicken tenders and a lemonade was a safe option 2 hours before a game.

Then, off to Nordstrom Rack to tackle the "outfit" portion of the night. 20 minutes later, by the grace of God, we walked out with a complete ensemble of shirt, pants, belt and shoes. Mission accomplished.

At this point, I was feeling good. Meeting: check. Healthy dinner: check. Wedding outfit: check Off to the basketball gym:check....Wait, not the regular gym, a school 10 minutes away. It sounds close but, normally we head to a gym 4 minutes away. So, 20 minutes vs. 8 minutes round trip suddenly sounds HUGE when I mentally run down the list of everything I have to do before an early departure for a big wedding weekend. My anxiety returns and heightens.

I seriously sped to the gym. As I am recalling it now, I was really an idiot. I did not get there any faster, I just wore out my brakes a little more effeciently. It makes me so crazy when I do that. I gun it to each stoplight and slam to an abrupt stop.

But, here is when the rubber REALLY meets the road. As Noah was getting out of the car, he looked at me and said, 'my stomach kinda hurts'. As I looked at him shadowed in the yellow of the overhead streetlight, my stomach did a flip-flop. This is somewhat of a "learned" behavior since he is my firstborn and when he was sick as a baby and toddler, I was somewhat of a nutcase. But, at this moment, in the dark, my fear and anxiety reach a new level. "You'll be okay," I squeak out. "Play hard, I will be right back."

As I sped back to my home to pick up Jeremy (yes, I still raced to each stoplight) I texted and called Noah.

He finally returned my call and promptly informed that a local highschool was closing due to the H1N1, aka 'oink oink' flu. At this point, I cannot win.

"How is your stomach?"

"Fine mom."

"Don't touch your mouth or your eyes. Wash your hands after the game. I will be there in a few minutes. Watch your Gatorade."

"Gotta go." and he hangs up.

He played great. 18 points out of the 26 the team scored. We made it home and to our beds at a decent time.

The sun came up the next day. No swine flu. I suddenly feel more logical and reasonable.